Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Oatmeal Cookies

"So you have your price. Your soul for a cookie."
-James Patterson, Max

Dear Oatmeal Cookie,

I love you. People mock your healthy oats & squishy raisins, but I cherish your soft, textured consistency. The delight of biting into an explosion of fruity sweet sun of grape. Your subtle spiciness layered under delectable sugariness. 

Oatmeal Cookie: haters gonna hate.

We have each other. From now until eternity.


Monday, December 2, 2013


Image credit
"The irony of American history is the tendency of good white Americans to presume racial innocence. Ignorance of how we are shaped racially is the first sign of privilege.

In other words. It is a privilege to ignore the consequences of race in America."
-Tim Wise

I'm encountering a lot of people who are tired of political correctness as if the very act of not being offensive is exhausting. I mean, how tiresome it is to be mindful of what you're saying. 


I mean, really?

I think it is complete bullshit we have an NFL team called the Redskins. Call me a bleeding heart, PC liberal all you want. I'd rather be that than an ignorant, offensive racist. It is almost 2014, we need to be better. I try to explain it this way: if the NFL had a team called the Blackies with a black person as the mascot, we'd shut that shit down, because most of us by now know you can't do that. THE SAME THING APPLIES TO NATIVE AMERICANS. God, as if stealing their land, killing them, etc wasn't enough, we appropriate their culture and get offended at their offense. I am so sick of it. The worst part is that it's generally very privileged white people getting so up in arms against being "politically correct." Because god-forbid anyone takes away their comfort found in objectifying minorities. 

The kicker: when white people use the, "well, why can they get away with calling us cracker [insert any other white slur]." Please, tell me, are you truly offended by that? Is anyone? Right, no. Because we're fucking white and there are so so so many advantages to being white. See:

Sorry I’m being so negative. I’m a bummer, I don’t know I shouldn’t be I’m a very lucky guy. I got a lot going from me. I’m a healthy, I’m relatively young. I’m white; which thank God for that sh** boy. That is a huge leg up, are you kidding me? I love being white I really do. Seriously, if you’re not white you’re missing out because this sh** is thoroughly good. Let me be clear by the way, I’m not saying that white people are better. I’m saying that being white is clearly better, who could even argue? If it was an option I would reup ever year. Oh yeah I’ll take white again absolutely, I've been enjoying that, I’ll stick with white thank you. Here’s how great it is to be white, I could get in a time machine and go to any time and it would be fuckin’ awesome when I get there. That is exclusively a white privilege. Black people can’t fuck with time machines. A black guy in a time machine is like hey anything before 1980 no thank you, I don’t want to go. But I can go to any time. The year 2, I don’t even know what was happening then but I know when I get there, welcome we have a table right here for you sir. … thank you, it’s lovely here in the year 2. I can go to any time in the past, I don’t want to go to the future and find out what happens to white people because we’re going to pay hard for this shit, you gotta know that … we’re not just gonna fall from number 1 to 2. They’re going to hold us down and fuck us in the ass forever and we totally deserve it but for now wheeeee. If you’re white and you don’t admit that it’s great, you’re an asshole. It is great and I’m a man. How many advantages can one person have? I’m a white man, you can’t even hurt my feelings. What can you really call a white man that really digs deep? Hey cracker … oh ruined my day. Boy shouldn’t have called me a cracker, bringing me back to owning land and people what a drag.

The first thing we can do is recognize our privilege. And then not be such huge, massive dicks about it.

I don't want blogs like this to have to exist: I don't want to be associated with this awful, terrible side of a people. Which is why I take the time to be politically correct... it really shouldn't even be called that. It should be called, being a decent human being, thinking before speaking, considering those outside of myself. 

Link-heavy writing, I know, but there's a wealth of material on the internet about white privilege. Last one: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack

It's frustrating... by writing (venting) this very post, I'm participating in my skin color advantage. As a white person, I can criticize white people more freely than a minority could, because I belong to this large, ruling group. 

Anyhow. I don't know what any of this means except that I want people to be better. I want people to stop being racist assholes in front of me and then being affronted when I voice my opinion as well. I'm through with remaining silent just to placate. I will not be a willing participant in society's expectations of me to be pleasing, quiet, diminutive, calm. If you feel so free to vocalize your ignorance, I will, just as freely, attempt to educate your ass. 


Wednesday, November 27, 2013


"We are all star stuff."

-Carl Sagan

Bright Night Watchers,
What do you see,
When you peer down
and shine on me?

My eyes closed tightly
in lazy slumber?
Or perhaps I'm awake
in midnight wonder.

When you read my words,
Do you mock them aloud?
In translucent, permanent
celestial sound?

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Dream in my eyes

You are tired,
(I think)
Of the always puzzle of living and doing;
And so am I.

Come with me, then,
And we'll leave it far and far away—
(Only you and I, understand!)

You have played,
(I think)
And broke the toys you were fondest of,
And are a little tired now;
Tired of things that break, and—
Just tired.
So am I.

But I come with a dream in my eyes tonight,
And knock with a rose at the hopeless gate of your heart—
Open to me!
For I will show you the places Nobody knows,
And, if you like,
The perfect places of Sleep.

Ah, come with me!
I'll blow you that wonderful bubble, the moon,
That floats forever and a day;
I'll sing you the jacinth song
Of the probable stars;
I will attempt the unstartled steppes of dream,
Until I find the Only Flower,
Which shall keep (I think) your little heart
While the moon comes out of the sea.

- e e cummings

You brought me a bright moon.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Like a Boss

"Without ambition one starts nothing. Without work one finishes nothing. The prize will not be sent to you. You have to win it."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Guess what?! I got a promotion and a raise! After two years of drudgery, no recognition, and underappreciation at my last company, this feels amazing. It only took 7 months of doing what I do and it paid off. 

They announced in the company meeting today about my promotion and that I'll be transitioned as soon as my replacement is located. 

Damn. It feels so good to be here. 

Granted, this isn't my ~*~DrEaM~*~ career, but I've worked hard to establish myself in this industry and I'm proud I'm finally, finally, finally getting somewhere. Which brings me to a point: you don't have to have a job in your passion in order to be fulfilled. It would be nice if I could find a lucrative career which would enable my desired lifestyle by reading all day, but alas, that isn't going to happen. So now, I work at a job that isn't the most fun but I respect its value and see the importance of it.

Aaaaand it brings in a paycheck which DOES enable my lifestyle of leisure while putting a bit away in savings and cutting down some of that pesky student loan debt.

Anyhow. I am happy. 

Friday, October 18, 2013

All I Wanna Do

"You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me."
-C.S. Lewis

This is the face I make when inefficient communicators and perpetually poor planners interrupt what I thought was going to be a night of R&R: Reading & Relaxation.

So... in lieu of this pleasurable past time, I reflect on the things which I would love do all the time, forever and ever amen:

Read: Obviously. I majored in English because it was the closest I could get to reading all of the time. Words, books, my best friends. I am blown away by the creativity in this world and the fact WHOLE LIVES AND UNIVERSES ARE CREATED AND DESTROYED BY PEOPLE! Just think, J.K. Rowling created books from her books: publishing the stories mentioned in passing in her stories. How does her brain function?! WHY DID SHE KILL SO MANY PEOPLE I LOVED? I become emotionally invested in stories. But seriously, anything with words, be warned, I will devour you.

Cook: Doubling my student loan debt to allllllmost get a culinary arts degree could be seen as foolish. But ask Tom, well worth every penny as I crank out homemade dinner after homemade dinner from scratch. It is so satisfying to create a marvelous menu and fill your loved one's tummies with yummy food. Also, it's so interesting on so many varied levels. There's the science behind different culinary aspects (maillard reaction, yo), the aesthetically pleasing art value of a well-crafted plating, and the joy derived from creation. 

Sleep: It's weird to me how much sleep our bodies need and I think people are complete freaks who brag about only getting 5 or fewer hours of sleep per night. Dreaming is awesome! Sleeping is awesome! 

Draw/Paint/Craft: I'm not a gifted artist. I paint and I draw because the act of creation fulfills me. It reminds me that I should approach writing with such recklessness; I really don't give a shit if anyone likes my art or if it's even any good. I made it exist and that is enough for me. But seriously, I could scrapbook forever. I want to live in Hobby Lobby sans the religious zealots keeping me from my birth control. Babies are too messy in craft stores.

 It boils down to this: I want to be creating, enjoying other's creations, or asleep.


P.S. I forgot to mention wine, so just assume it's involved in all of the above.

Friday, September 6, 2013


"Republicans approve of the American farmer, but they are willing to help him go broke. They stand four-square for the American home--but not for housing. They are strong for labor--but they are stronger for restricting labor's rights. They favor minimum wage--the smaller the minimum wage the better. They endorse educational opportunity for all--but they won't spend money for teachers or for schools. They think modern medical care and hospitals are fine--for people who can afford them. They consider electrical power a great blessing--but only when the private power companies get their rake-off. They think American standard of living is a fine thing--so long as it doesn't spread to all the people. And they admire of Government of the United States so much that they would like to buy it."
-Harry S. Truman

I have been receiving numerous phone calls from Republican groups lobbying for my money to support the anti-Obamacare campaign and whatever other dickish things that god-awful party supports. 

1) I fucking hate the Republican party. I abhor it vehemently. I support women's rights, gay rights, minority rights. I support legal abortions, marriage equality, immigration with an easier path to citizenship. All these things because I believe in promoting humanity, not oppressing and subjugating anyone. 

2) WHY would I donate money to stop Obamacare? I love Obamacare! Sure, it has its problems, like any government plan would, but um... if you claim to love Americans, how can you even begin to fight against something that protects their health? Makes zero sense, you idiot Republicans.

Seriously, stop calling me. I have no idea how you got my numbers in the first place, but I will die before I ever support your campaigns of inequality/misogyny/bigotry/racism.

fuck off,

ps no, I'm not a Democrat. I'm a human being with a conscience. 

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Car Owner Once More!

"You are not your job, you're not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You are not your fucking khakis. You are all singing, all dancing crap of the world." 
-Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

While I may not be the car I drive, it feels damn good to have a car to drive once again! Welcome to my life, you cutie little black prius! 

Tom and I flew up to Waxahachie Saturday to see the family and to get me in some wheels. Overall, a highly successful weekend. I hate being far away from my family; it's hard and it sucks. But now since I have this fuel efficient vehicle, hopefully we can travel up there more. :) Plus, their move to Waxahachie cut off an hour of driving time, at least, for us. 

We just made plans to go to the State Fair of Texas on October 5th to eat everything fried. Mooo.


Monday, August 26, 2013

Some Housekeeping: Change!

"The measure of intelligence is the ability to change."
-Albert Einstein

Since I'm posting again, I thought I'd change up my blog, clean it up a little. It was getting old and I"m considering hiding my beginning posts because they're embarrassing but YOLO: I am lazy.

Please enjoy that picture of me eating a street dog on Bourbon St. during RDR. You're welcome. Shortly after the picture was taken, I dropped a glob of mustard-covered onions on my dress and licked it off because it's Bourbon and I have no shame.

I couldn't figure out how to make my blog description change colors, so I just deleted it and changed my blog's title for the first time since its inception; please tell me if you like it or not! 

In other news, Kitty broke one of our bedroom windows Friday night. Who knew a twelve year old house cat could shatter glass? Well, there goes $150 plus tax to have it replaced. Yay.

At least I'm at a place in life where $150 is no sweat off my back. 

I wish I had another hot dog right now.


Tuesday, August 13, 2013

The Figs

"What greater gift than the love of a cat." 
-Charles Dickens

I love when the Figs cuddles with me. It's so rare because of her bouncy, bitey, kitten-ways, that when it occurs, it's a real treat. I woke up to this gem one morning and had to snap a quick pic before my sleeping feline awoke, purr-biting me into oblivion.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

What You Do

"When it comes to men who are romantically interested in you, it’s really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do." 
-Randy Pausch

You are brilliant, my darling.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Exhausted by Nothing Changing

"All our silences in the face of racist assault are acts of complicity." 
-Bell Hooks, killing rage: Ending Racism

I sit in my chair. You sit in your chair. We talk about cats, daughters, baking and inept customer service experiences. Then you assume I'm like you; you assume I'm a bigot, a racist, a misogynist, a homophobe, a classist. Is it my blonde hair? My white skin? Perhaps my education? Two things hereditary, one thing determinedly achieved. Regardless, you feel comfortable enough (please don't ever think comfort is found is hate) to spew your asinine opinions on gender. On sexuality. On welfare. On abortion. All of it, so awful. 

I will not tolerate the casual use of the n-word. I will not tolerate belittling, gay slurs. I will not tolerate your willful ignorance. I will not tolerate your degradation of immigrants or of the impoverished.

I will. not. and never. ever. tolerate these things.

America, let's get some fucking facts straight:

1) Abortion: government and religious (LOL YOU THINK YOU'RE A CHRISTIAN? YOU GOT JOKES FOR DAYS.) fanatics: stay the hell away from legislating women's bodies. Simply put: you are not welcome. If you don't like abortions, don't get one but don't you ever think you can inhibit a free people from this very important procedure. If you're a Christian and claim that it's murder, you do realize this is not a Christian theocracy, right? This is a country for all religions and those who want nothing to do with religion. Your religious doctrines have no bearing over anybody. Get. Over. It.

2) Homosexuality: love is love, okay? "It's not natural, Adam & Eve, not Adam & Steve!" I almost hate to tell people I consider myself a Christian because of all the horrible things idiots have done to a beautiful faith. These homophobic idiots fail to understand that Jesus doesn't give one single shit about a person's sexuality. You know what Jesus cares about? Loving your neighbor and loving Him. Judging? I'm 100% sure He tells us to leave that up to him. Refer to #1: The United States of America, not The United States of misguided Christianmobrule.

3) Racism: STOP. SAYING. THE. N-WORD. It is never acceptable. "They say it, so why can't I?" Because you are not part of a group of people, visible by their very skin color, who have been dehumanized throughout history, specifically by Americans, because of their pigmentation. You will never understand. The best you can do is use your imagination to empathize what it's like without our white privilege. 

4) Women: I feel so powerless sometimes knowing that my gender dictates that my pay will not be equal, I will be under more societal pressure and I will always face sexual discrimination in my chosen industry (Oh hai oil!). I love my state, but to be a woman here is a very hard thing. I'm told what I can and cannot do with my body, which makes me so furious to the point I become numb. Did y'all know Texas ruled that it was okay to murder a prostitute if you pay her and she doesn't have sex with you? No, that didn't happen in 1833, that happened in 2013

5) Welfare: Harkening back to my Christian brethren: you better not ever breathe one word about hating welfare, lazy poor people, etc to me. I bet Jesus would slap you straight. As Christians, you should be the ones leading the way to putting much needed funds in impoverished hands. WITHOUT JUDGEMENT. Also, rich, privileged people: quit it. You have never known a day of struggle in your life. Stop lecturing people who have only ever been handed lemons. I hope they squirt that juice in your dollar-sign eyes. 

Please stop being a bunch of stupid, fucking dickheads. You're stressing me out and making me ashamed of many things: being a Christian, living in Texas, being white, etc. 

I used to sit there and let people spew their vile opinions because I didn't have the energy to debate their idiocy. But fuck it; if they have the gall to offend me, their narrow-minds can just deal with my moral outrage verbalized.

Fuck That Shit,

Wednesday, June 19, 2013


"Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol." 
- Steve Martin

No shame in my game. Brittney & I start our personal NaNoWriMo next month (fml two weeks away) and I haven't the slightest clue about what to write. I think it's supposed to be a cohesive novel, not a series of short stories, which I could eek out by recanting my wild and detailed dreams. 

Ideally, though, this forced writing will turn into a best-seller, then a sweet movie deal which will lead to early retirement and I can own a horse farm, make babies and read books on my nook all day every day. And drink bourbon champagne out of boots with egg rolls for dindin.

It's the simple things I want.

I read about this unemployed teacher who found $20,000 in cash and she returned it to the bank. I'd be so torn about returning that. LIKE MAYBE THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO BUY A NEW CAR OR PAY OFF SOME STUDENT DEBT. Weird, my education cost more than a car and all that got me was a head full of book quotes and the ability to rearrange sentences so they don't end with a preposition (although that isn't necessary as long as you have the object for that little bitch). SPEAKING OF CARS: one, please just materialize for me. I'm scared to get another one because it'll probably be smashed to pieces again and I just can't deal with that anymore. At all. If I ever have one more, "Well, we have no idea how you survived this" conversation with a public servant, I will just keel over dead. BECAUSE I DO NOT KNOW EITHER. My heart hurts from the stress. 

This woman died in my building at 34 of a heart attack in her sleep. Scary.

I need a drink.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013


 "I would always rather be happy than dignified." 
 -Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre 

 Oh hai blog. Long time no see, my bad. I guess I got rather busy with working, living, cooking, sleeping, etc. I don't even remember what was so trying in my last entry that my body shut down. Thanks body, for erasing that apparently unpleasant period of life.


 1) Tom and I have moved in together. We now reside in a 3 bedroom, 2 bath townhouse with Kitty, Figgy and our recent additional roomie: Cleo the Betta. 

 2) I have a new job. SO LONG TMK. PRAISE JESUS. AMEN. I now work for a brilliant company that doesn't treat me deplorably and where I feel valued and appreciated. 

 3) I bought my first car (!) and three weeks later totaled it! I feel and felt like such a dumbass loser for being so mentally shaken by this event, but I'm pretty sure something in me is irreparably damaged by this event and situations occurring from it. 

 4) Brittney's dad passed away from cancer (upon thinking of this, I think that's why my last update was somber). I sent out an email to my famfam telling them when Brit's dad was put on hospice care and I'll share: 

 "His liver is failing. The doctor gave him 2 weeks to 2 months but realistically, they're meeting with directors today to plan his funeral. They're setting up the details of hospice, end of life care. He's jaundiced, tired, unable to really eat. He’ll stay in bed more and more until one day he’s gone. I hate the fade of cancer, the lengthening of grief which glimmers with disappointing hope. I’m tired of watching people I love break over the agony of their family suffering through this. Your body destroys itself, homicidal, confused and merciless. It doesn’t care that you have two daughters still to walk down the aisle someday, or grandbabies that want to hear bedtime stories from papa. It turns an unfeeling, blind eye to your wife who will most likely lose the meager control you help her retain, spiraling into familiar depression, probably leading us all into the now known territory of funeral arrangements. 

 Why do good fathers die and bad ones live? I will never understand this world and I will never understand cancer. 

 Brittney is in Belton right now and during our conversation last night, she expressed anxiety over not knowing how long to stay. She can’t stay two months, but she doesn’t want to leave and have him die without her there. The only advice I could offer was to stay as long as felt right. This never gets easier, even with practice. There aren’t words to comfort when death is looming. There is nothing you can do. I hate time and its methodical pace. I suppose cancer is at least gracious in its ability to allow us time to say our goodbyes. Car wrecks and heart attacks happen so suddenly, you’re reeling in shock at the funeral, grief barely there because it’s all so unreal. So maybe there is one pro in this list of cons; we can prepare, we can get final hugs, we can be there.

 I’m really tired of cancer."

 Life doesn't slow down, offer any apologies or even attempt to make excuses. It happens and it's hard and the pitfalls encountered are only surmountable through friends, family, laughter and small moments of happy. 

 I need to get back to work. Bai.