Monday, October 3, 2011

This is just a ride.

The world is like a ride at an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it, you think it's real, because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round and it has thrills and chills and it's very brightly colored and it's very loud. And it's fun, for a while.

Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question: 'Is this real? Or is this just a ride?' And other people have remembered, and they come back to us and they say 'Hey! Don't worry, don't be afraid -- ever -- because... this is just a ride.' And we kill those people.

'Shut him up! We have a lot invested in this ride! Shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry; look at my big bank account, and my family. This has to be real.' It's just a ride. But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that -- ever notice that? -- and we let the demons run amok. But it doesn't matter, because... it's just a ride, and we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort. No worry. No job. No savings and money. Just a choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your door, buy bigger guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one.

Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, into a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defense each year and, instead, spend it feeding, clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would do many times over -- not one human being excluded -- and we can explore space together, both inner and outer, forever. In peace.

-Bill Hicks, shared via JWoj :)

Someone told me I need to write in my blog more and I told them I get scared of writing in my blog after something really intense happens in my life that I touch upon in my blog. Maybe I'm scared that my rendition of drunk weekend memories negate any seriousness I attempted. Who knows. Or maybe I'm just fearful of revisiting the powerful emotions behind the posts. WHO KNOWS.

Not me.

I've been going through this struggle lately of what truly makes me happy; it frustrates me beyond measure that for a person who claims to do what I want,I'm so unsure of what I want in life. Well, I do know exactly what I want and what truly makes me happy:

I want time to stop so I can sit and waste hours stumbling and laughing over funny things on the internet with Jenna and giggle over silly sex stories then cry over living so far apart but glad we have each other to cry over.

I want time to stop so I can spend every moment ever with my famfam and laugh about all the silly things each other says with great conversation going on and my face hurts from smiling so much from being around people I feel so myself with.

I want time to stop so I can "take it easy" with Heather while listening to Katy Perry and Justin Bieber on repeat and end up sloppy drunk and crying over Michael Scott proposing to Holly and loving it so much we watch it again.

I want time to stop so I can read every book in the world ever.

I want time to stop so I can make a giant mess with my craft projects and it's okay because time is stopped so I don't have to be frustrated by having to wait for paint to dry.

I want time to stop so I can learn about everything in the world I've ever been curious about.

I want time to stop so I can not feel so pressured to have children because I'm worried I'll die without seeing them have their own children.

I'm just a greedy person.

I want to know what choices to make because I'm terrified of making the wrong ones. But I'm even more scared of not making any.

Yesterday was my Dad's birthday; I completely forgot about it until halfway through today. I wonder if he even remembered. And if he did, I wonder if he was hurt his daughter didn't contact him. I wonder if he even remembers he has a daughter. I'm pretty sure he doesn't know my birthday.

Sorry to digress, just thought about that.

I came to write in here because Jenna sent me this:

Just a ride. I ain't scared of roller coasters.